Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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