this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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