You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
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I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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