I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
