i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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