Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
