Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
