Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
