I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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