I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
