Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
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You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
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considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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