people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
