I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
