Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
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