My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
