i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Shame - the story of my life.
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