evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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