Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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