u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
