A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
