I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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