we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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