she looked like the before picture.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
