actually, I'm a sock model
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved