Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?