Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.