oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.