we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
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He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
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I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.