eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
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I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
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I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.