i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Blame the bisexuality and move on?