i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
