I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
