I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
