I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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