gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
