need another drink. this is the easiest way
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
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It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
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I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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