I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
please come you make the beer taste better
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
