never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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