Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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