Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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