oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I touched a dick in church today
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
