she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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