Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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