when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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