Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
