Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
