By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
