i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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