I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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