you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you had me at cake vodka
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Randomize
