i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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