I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
