i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
