its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My ATM looks so different sober.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
This toilet bowl is my home.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
