We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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