You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
