Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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