The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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