I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
