Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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