1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
