You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
