so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is