im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
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Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
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I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...