It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship