when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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