I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?