i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.