He is an equal opportunity slut.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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