Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.