I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
