Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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