I hate your face
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
