dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
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So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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