last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
