at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
