On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
